I have 24 hours before I can jump on a train to Fukuoka and meet Fran. I have been outrageously busy with work these past couple of weeks, climaxing in a two-hour presentation given to all the English teachers in Hikari yesterday. Now that everything has suddenly stopped I am desperately trying to find ways to keep myself entertained at work, as the hours are dragging like never before.

 Yesterday’s presentation was amazingly well received, and it’s made me realise how far I have come in one year, and that within one year alone and ALT can still feel satisfied that they’ve done their job well. Having to speak at meetings like yesterday’s are very much the exception rather than the rule for most ALTs. It’s thanks to me working alongside one of the more dedicated ALTs that we had to push to get an invite, let alone a slot to speak. We originally asked for 15 minutes, and never anticipated getting two hours. After feeling initially flattered we realised we had probably gotten another teacher out of the thankless task of giving a different perfunctory two-hour performance  (last year one teacher spoke about Smartboards, at the only school in Hikari that can actually afford one).

So we weren’t sure what to expect. ALTs are the lowest of the low in the staffroom, but are the darlings of some English teachers and the bane of others’ lives. Jess was also keen for us to be relatively direct which, despite the endless tweaking and softening of critical blows that only a Brit or a Japanese would know how to temper, caused me more than a little anxiety. Yet the level of attentiveness among some of the most unexpected culprits was fantastic, and it felt like the thanks we got afterwards were sincere. We had worked damn hard on it, and it was wonderful to get such a reception in a country where neither criticism or praise are so highly sought after or received.

 We’ve dug an almighty hole, however, and I’m now especially glad to be toodle-pipping. One of the many prongs of our speech was that ALTs want to have more classes, spend more time with students and be more a part of whichever school(s) they work in. So I ended up having a very awkward lunch with Year 7 today, as we promulgated the kencho catechism of lunching with the students, even though neither Jessica nor I particularly enjoy it, and I doubt the students do much either. I have also been invited to a work’s party tonight, the invitation being impossible to refuse to a teacher I work with who has mastered the cute, hopeful and expectant look to resolve-shattering precision.  Work’s parties are….well, I don’t think I need to explain. Work’s parties around the world have a certain cringeworthiness about them. But it will kill some more time.

 My successor will have her work cut out for her if our teachers are as enthusiastic about our ideas as they seemed. It was nice to have a voice for once, and has put me in gear for more pontificating in the UK.

How strange.  I have just written the momentous first email that departing ALTs must bring themselves to send to their successors. I remember when I received mine a year ago so well; it was the first time I became truly excited about moving to Japan. It feels like such a responsbility creating my successors first impressions of Hikari and being her main source of information and guidance in the run-up to her arrival in July.

 Yes, read July. I leave in August. Now that is strange. Jess had said to me some time ago that the relationship between successor and predecessor endlessly weaves between love and resentment, and I have come experience both sides of this now. In the case of my successor, I feel very protective of her and like I want to help her in every way I possibly can, and yet there is another part of me that is slightly outraged that I can simply be replaced overnight. I do wonder whether meeting her will ease the transition for me, and maybe even for her. I think it will be darned weird, whatever the potential benefits are. Obviously I cannot divulge too much info about her, and have omitted her name from this post, but I do know that she is very different to me, just as I am remarkably different to most of the things I’ve heard about Tammy.

These feelings directed towards my successor are part of a wider context of me trying to untangle to many realities that accompany my departure. One of those realities, one I have been denying but have now come to terms with, is that it is simply too soon to leave. My job is just starting to move places, and my opinion is just starting to count. As I’ve said before, one year is commonly considered too short a time to live in and become accustomed to the Japanese way of things, and I feel genuinely sorry for my teachers who have to become accustomed to a brand new ALT just as they have gotten used to this one.

Yet I’ve been something of a lone ranger certainly in the latter half of the year, and have pined for home more than I would like. I do think it’s time for me to go back and be around people again, or else I would be in grave danger of socially regressing, which I have noticed can happen to people who stay in Japan too long. I can see how it happens though, and have had to check myself a couple of times for being even more me me me than I am in England. When one comes from an individualist society into a place like Japan where the voice of the idividual matters less, and such tremendous language barriers exist, the opportunity to say ‘hey! Look/listen to me!’ around other English speakers is sometimes just a bit too tempting. It’s a chance to carve out one’s identity again, to be more than just foreign and to have some control.

Anyhow, this post is more a matter of procrastination than anything. I have to prepare the nest for Fran’s arrival in two weeks, and for me leaving my beautiful home shortly afterwards. The ‘posterity pile’ must be tackled, along with the room of denial. Ganbare yo!!